Saturday 27 August 2011
Sunday 21 August 2011
Aliens Attack
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2011/aug/18/aliens-destroy-humanity-protect-civilisations
Step 1. Read it. Step 2. Ask yourself: FUCKING REALLY?
The Guardian is a newspaper written for grown up people. I might have expected this from the Sun, or the Daily Mail, but G... I just thought you were better than that.
As they mention, this is a 'highly speculative' scenario. Which exempts it from falling under the label of 'news', meaning it doesn't really belong in a 'newspaper'. Science Journal- yes. But seriously, you can't go throwing up 'speculative' headlines in a fucking newspaper. Like, imagine opening your paper to see HORRIFIC CAR CRASH KILLS 20, TOMORROW MAYBE and OBAMA IN GAY RELATIONSHIP WITH OSAMA, BONDED OVER SIMILAR NAMES, WE ASSUME. It descends pretty quickly into ridiculous shit that some fucking jackwagons are gonna use to try to make us do what they want. I can totally see Sarah Palin putting that second headline out there.
And there's another fucked-up-edness from this article. The threat of alien invasion is supposed to make us want to fight global warming. Excuse me if I'm wrong, but it's really not ok to use the threat of punishment as a reason to just be a nice guy/ decent species. Like, telling people to follow religion and be nice to each other so they don't go to hell. If you're doing something because you're scared of punishment and you want a reward... you're not really doing it for the right reasons at all, are you? Your actions can't be said to be good, because they are performed entirely out of self interest- given the chance, (or the necessity) a self interested person will do just about anything that works for them. How 'bout we try to save our planet because it's a beautiful place and we're fucking it up, not because E.T's gonna snap and break out the AK.
Speaking of AKs: the article says we should avoid broadcasting info about our biology in case the aliens make weapons to 'target humans'. Remember those two letters from the beginning of this sentence? AK? Yeah. We kinda beat them to the punch on that one. We've made chemical weapons, nuclear weapons, seriously, all aliens would need to do would be purchase a couple of them. And in all honesty, they probably could, without too much hassle. After all, selling dangerous weapons to unknown factors has never been a bad idea. Think of the Middle East, the Western worlds' BFFLs.
Anyway... How about we all just stop driving the 10 minutes to the store and plant some fucking trees? If everyone does a little bit, the results will be huge. And maybe then we won't have to use scare tactics about ending up like EVERY FUCKING CAST MEMBER OF 'ALIEN'. (Except Sigourney Weaver.) (And the cat.)
Step 1. Read it. Step 2. Ask yourself: FUCKING REALLY?
The Guardian is a newspaper written for grown up people. I might have expected this from the Sun, or the Daily Mail, but G... I just thought you were better than that.
As they mention, this is a 'highly speculative' scenario. Which exempts it from falling under the label of 'news', meaning it doesn't really belong in a 'newspaper'. Science Journal- yes. But seriously, you can't go throwing up 'speculative' headlines in a fucking newspaper. Like, imagine opening your paper to see HORRIFIC CAR CRASH KILLS 20, TOMORROW MAYBE and OBAMA IN GAY RELATIONSHIP WITH OSAMA, BONDED OVER SIMILAR NAMES, WE ASSUME. It descends pretty quickly into ridiculous shit that some fucking jackwagons are gonna use to try to make us do what they want. I can totally see Sarah Palin putting that second headline out there.
And there's another fucked-up-edness from this article. The threat of alien invasion is supposed to make us want to fight global warming. Excuse me if I'm wrong, but it's really not ok to use the threat of punishment as a reason to just be a nice guy/ decent species. Like, telling people to follow religion and be nice to each other so they don't go to hell. If you're doing something because you're scared of punishment and you want a reward... you're not really doing it for the right reasons at all, are you? Your actions can't be said to be good, because they are performed entirely out of self interest- given the chance, (or the necessity) a self interested person will do just about anything that works for them. How 'bout we try to save our planet because it's a beautiful place and we're fucking it up, not because E.T's gonna snap and break out the AK.
Speaking of AKs: the article says we should avoid broadcasting info about our biology in case the aliens make weapons to 'target humans'. Remember those two letters from the beginning of this sentence? AK? Yeah. We kinda beat them to the punch on that one. We've made chemical weapons, nuclear weapons, seriously, all aliens would need to do would be purchase a couple of them. And in all honesty, they probably could, without too much hassle. After all, selling dangerous weapons to unknown factors has never been a bad idea. Think of the Middle East, the Western worlds' BFFLs.
Anyway... How about we all just stop driving the 10 minutes to the store and plant some fucking trees? If everyone does a little bit, the results will be huge. And maybe then we won't have to use scare tactics about ending up like EVERY FUCKING CAST MEMBER OF 'ALIEN'. (Except Sigourney Weaver.) (And the cat.)
Wednesday 17 August 2011
Riots
So, merry old England descended in to chaos (ish). If one good thing came out of this, I guess it's that we've lost our stereotype. Fuck Earl Grey and monocles, now everyone thinks we're completely retarded. These riots ostensibly had no political purpose... but it's gotta be remembered, shit like this doesn't go down when the economy's grand, everybody loves the government and singing unicorns throw roses from the sky. THERE WAS motivation for the riots- it just seems like no one involved was aware of it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjdhEvosC3I
Watch it and wince. I was hoping one of these chicks would come out with something along the lines of, "the Tory government is slowly crushing the poorer citizens of this country, making it harder for them to go to university, instigating policies that support the middle and upper classes, and David Cameron just generally looking like a thumb with a face. Thus, these riots are an expression of our anger." Nope. Rose. I don't know how to type the little accent over the e, so just imagine it there. Rose isn't even nice. It tastes like vomit and sending misspelled, sexually explicit texts to everyone on your contacts list before you've even done those things. If you're gonna riot for alcohol, riot for tequila and a couple of lemons, and then a six pack. But I digress. If you're gonna attack 'rich people', as these girls say they are doing, go to Millbank. Remember the student protests? They had the right idea when it came to expressions of anger. I'm not supporting violence, and I'm not gonna get all philosophical about whether dissent is ever justified, but if you're gonna do it, DO IT RIGHT. Don't tear up a bunch of areas that were poor to begin with and will take ages to recover. Perhaps an interview to restore some faith in humanity comes from writer Darcus Howe:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biJgILxGK0o
Until, of course, little miss bitch there starts being- well, a bitch. At least he highlights the causes for the riots, and makes some good points. But did the rioters have any grasp on these reasons? Some of them, yeah. Most of them, not at all.
This lady sums it up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNmQBx2WyN0
Power to her. I admire her use of frequent swear words.
Anyway, to finish: If you don't know what you're fighting for, don't fight. And definitely don't burn down fucking Foot Locker.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjdhEvosC3I
Watch it and wince. I was hoping one of these chicks would come out with something along the lines of, "the Tory government is slowly crushing the poorer citizens of this country, making it harder for them to go to university, instigating policies that support the middle and upper classes, and David Cameron just generally looking like a thumb with a face. Thus, these riots are an expression of our anger." Nope. Rose. I don't know how to type the little accent over the e, so just imagine it there. Rose isn't even nice. It tastes like vomit and sending misspelled, sexually explicit texts to everyone on your contacts list before you've even done those things. If you're gonna riot for alcohol, riot for tequila and a couple of lemons, and then a six pack. But I digress. If you're gonna attack 'rich people', as these girls say they are doing, go to Millbank. Remember the student protests? They had the right idea when it came to expressions of anger. I'm not supporting violence, and I'm not gonna get all philosophical about whether dissent is ever justified, but if you're gonna do it, DO IT RIGHT. Don't tear up a bunch of areas that were poor to begin with and will take ages to recover. Perhaps an interview to restore some faith in humanity comes from writer Darcus Howe:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biJgILxGK0o
Until, of course, little miss bitch there starts being- well, a bitch. At least he highlights the causes for the riots, and makes some good points. But did the rioters have any grasp on these reasons? Some of them, yeah. Most of them, not at all.
This lady sums it up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNmQBx2WyN0
Power to her. I admire her use of frequent swear words.
Anyway, to finish: If you don't know what you're fighting for, don't fight. And definitely don't burn down fucking Foot Locker.
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