Aliens Attack

http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2011/aug/18/aliens-destroy-humanity-protect-civilisations

Step 1. Read it. Step 2. Ask yourself: FUCKING REALLY?

The Guardian is a newspaper written for grown up people. I might have expected this from the Sun, or the Daily Mail, but G... I just thought you were better than that.

As they mention, this is a 'highly speculative' scenario. Which exempts it from falling under the label of 'news', meaning it doesn't really belong in a 'newspaper'. Science Journal- yes. But seriously, you can't go throwing up 'speculative' headlines in a fucking newspaper. Like, imagine opening your paper to see HORRIFIC CAR CRASH KILLS 20, TOMORROW MAYBE and OBAMA IN GAY RELATIONSHIP WITH OSAMA, BONDED OVER SIMILAR NAMES, WE ASSUME. It descends pretty quickly into ridiculous shit that some fucking jackwagons are gonna use to try to make us do what they want. I can totally see Sarah Palin putting that second headline out there.

And there's another fucked-up-edness from this article. The threat of alien invasion is supposed to make us want to fight global warming. Excuse me if I'm wrong, but it's really not ok to use the threat of punishment as a reason to just be a nice guy/ decent species. Like, telling people to follow religion and be nice to each other so they don't go to hell. If you're doing something because you're scared of punishment and you want a reward... you're not really doing it for the right reasons at all, are you? Your actions can't be said to be good, because they are performed entirely out of self interest- given the chance, (or the necessity) a self interested person will do just about anything that works for them. How 'bout we try to save our planet because it's a beautiful place and we're fucking it up, not because E.T's gonna snap and break out the AK.

Speaking of AKs: the article says we should avoid broadcasting info about our biology in case the aliens make weapons to 'target humans'. Remember those two letters from the beginning of this sentence? AK? Yeah. We kinda beat them to the punch on that one. We've made chemical weapons, nuclear weapons, seriously, all aliens would need to do would be purchase a couple of them. And in all honesty, they probably could, without too much hassle. After all, selling dangerous weapons to unknown factors has never been a bad idea. Think of the Middle East, the Western worlds' BFFLs.

Anyway... How about we all just stop driving the 10 minutes to the store and plant some fucking trees? If everyone does a little bit, the results will be huge. And maybe then we won't have to use scare tactics about ending up like EVERY FUCKING CAST MEMBER OF 'ALIEN'. (Except Sigourney Weaver.) (And the cat.)